Monday, March 30, 2015

Be a Faucet Not a Drain

When Roanan was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis it was rough. Mentally, it was incomprehensible;  emotionally, it was a never ending roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, it was much easier to wake up angry, cry ten million tears, then go back to bed angrier than when I had just awoken. Doom, gloom, and self pity was effortless to feel vs hope, thankfulness, and acceptance.

I hate to admit it, but my heart quickly grew cold and I felt so disconnected from the world. Everyone we spoke to was so hopeful and encouraging. They would always say, "we will find a cure," "we will beat this," "trust the Lord he has a magnificent plan," and the most convenient "it will all be okay". I heard their words of hope but every part of me drained it from the sentence. There was no "we" it wasn't your son being diagnosed with an incurable disease. How can the Lords wonderful plan involve giving my son CF? How can you say it will all be okay when you haven't even Google Cystic Fibrosis? I was a drain, sucking the hopefulness out of their phrases. I heard what they were saying like Charlie Brown heard his teacher. Womp, womp, womp... I took everything offensively, out of context, personally, and negative. My level of true hope was smaller than a grain of salt...

After much prayer, research, and more prayer it clicked. I became a faucet. Filling the world with hope, acceptance, thankfulness, and happiness. Yes, my son had CF. Everyone has something that makes them complicated and this is his thing. God entrusted me with a perfect son who he knew would fulfill my life. He gave me friends and family to support my journey. Yes, we will find a cure. We will welcome every day with a smile and the mindset to rebel against cystic fibrosis. We will be better than okay. We will beat every odd and statistic thrown our way. I would never wish CF on anyone, but I am learning to be accepting and understanding of CF's role in our life.

Everyday Cystic Fibrosis is teaching me something new. Whether it is God's love, accepting others hopefulness, or distinguishing the difference between a faucet and a drain; CF is changing me into a better person. My goal is to be a faucet in every aspect of my life. I will no more be a negative drain. I will fill the world with the love, happiness, and hope that Roanan gives me everyday.

CF sucks. But it is a pretty good teacher....

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